


coming into yourself

by emrys (livingshitpost)



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Acceptance, Body Dysphoria, Coming Out, Dysphoria, Gen, Gender Dysphoria, Grace Hargreeves is a Good Mom, Kinfic, Medical, Medical Inaccuracies, Medical Jargon, Medical Procedures, Name Changes, Names, No Incest, No Romance, Not Beta Read, Platonic Cuddling, Pre-Canon, Reginald Hargreeves' A+ Parenting, Self-Acceptance, Snapshots, Trans Character, Trans Klaus Hargreeves, Trans Male Character, Trans Male Klaus Hargreeves, Transitioning, Transphobia, deadnaming, maybe idk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-26
Updated: 2019-02-26
Packaged: 2019-11-05 14:08:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17920274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/livingshitpost/pseuds/emrys





	coming into yourself

The seven of them are thirteen years old.

He sits in Allison's room on her bed, waiting for his matte blue nails to dry. His long hair is halfway pulled up by Vanya as she puts it in twin buns. Allison is putting on a song on the other side of the room. He catches a glimpse of one of her bras out of the corner of his eye and can't help but glare at it.

"Nicole?"

He looks up, his face relaxing. "Yeah?"

"You okay?"

He shrugs. "Yeah, I'm good." His heart is racing in his chest. "Why?"

"You seemed distracted."

"I'm not; I'm fine."

Vanya finishes putting his hair up and sits beside him, dangling her legs over the side of the bed. "C'mon, Nicky; us girls gotta stick together."

He growls, frustrated, and stands to cross the room. He paces for a bit.

"Nicky?"

Something festers in his gut.

"You know you can talk to us."

He sighs and runs one hand down his face. "I don't . . ." Another sigh. His voice is quiet. "I'm not a girl."

Vanya and Allison exchange glances.

"I'll still stick with you, or whatever. But I'm not a girl." He sits on the floor facing away from them. "I wanna be like Luther and Diego and Five and Ben." Another sigh. "I dunno. It's stupid. I mean-" (he grabs his developing breasts with both hands) "-I'm  _clearly_ a girl. But it feels wrong." He bows his head and hugs his knees. 

Allison walks over, slowly, and places one hand on his head. "I mean," she says, voice soft, "even if you're not a girl, we still love you."

"Yeah," Vanya agrees. "We're your sisters. Nothing's gonna change that." She sits behind him and leans against his back. "Should we not be calling you Nicole?"

He shrugged. "Nicholas'd be better," he mumbles. 

"That's too close," Allison declares. She scratches her chin.

"What about Klaus?" Vanya offers. "It sounds kinda like Nicholas, but nothing like Nicole."

He smiles a little, lifting his head slightly. "That's actually a pretty cool name," he says. "I like it."

Vanya smiles and turns to hug her brother. "Siblings gotta stick together, right?" 

* * *

His heart hammers in his chest as he knocks on Ben's door.

"What?"

"It's me," he says.

Ben sighs. Shuffling sounds come from inside the room, and he appears in the doorway, looking tired. "Whatddya want, Nicky?"

He shoves past his brother and pulls open his dresser drawers.

"Hey! What the hell-"

"You're closest to my size," he offers lazily. Ben yanks a pair of shorts from his hands.

"Why are you trying to steal my clothes?"

"I just told you," he says, snatching them back, "you're the only one whose clothes I can actually wear without looking like an  _idiot_."

Ben stares incredulously as the other boy takes a few more pairs of shorts and pants. "Nicole-"

"I'm not using that name anymore."

Ben sighs, exasperated, and pinches the bridge of his nose. "Four, what the  _fuck_."

He pauses. "Right. Shit, uh." He folds the clothes over his left arm and holds his other hand out. "Klaus."

"Who the hell is Klaus?"

"Me, dipshit. I'm re-introducing myself to you."

"Wh-" Ben closes his eyes and purses his lips. " _Why_ are you doing this? Nicole, you're a girl."

" _Nicole, you're a girl_ ," he repeats in a mocking tone. "Being a girl isn't for me,  _mon frere_. I gotta change things up."

". . . Okay, fine. I'll play along."

"Thanks, now just keep that up for the rest of your life." He pauses. "And death, 'cause if you stop calling me Klaus once you die, I'll know."

"Assuming Dad doesn't kill you first. He's never gonna agree to this."

"Dude, he's already been on my case about how much shittier I've been doing since puberty started. If I tell him why I can probably persuade him." He thinks for a moment. "If not, I can just get Allison to, uh." He smirks. "Y'know. Convince him."

"You're dragging Allison into this?"

"She already said she was willing to do it if shit hit the fan! It'll be fine."

Ben shakes his head. "Whatever you say." He claps his brother on the shoulder. "Now get out of my room." 

* * *

He sneaks into Allison's room one night, eyes red and puffy.

"Ally," he whispers, shaking her shoulder slightly. "Ally, wake up."

"Mmn," she groans. "What?" She looks blearily up at him. "Can't this wait?"

He sighs and crawls into her bed. His hands are shaking.

"Klaus?"

"I tried to tell him I'm a boy," he says, almost silent. "He- He didn't . . ." A shaky sigh escapes his lips. "He didn't take it well."

She pulls him into her arms. "I'm sorry," she murmurs. 

"He hit me, Ally."

Her grip tenses. She holds him a bit closer. "I'll talk to him," she promises. "Don't worry. You're gonna be okay."

"Thanks." 

* * *

Weeks pass. He wakes up to find Grace in his room, ridding his closet of skirts.

"Good morning, Klaus," she says with a sweet smile. "Did you sleep well?"

He sits up, shaking his head. "Nightmares," he mumbles as he gets out of bed. "Nothing outta the ordinary, though."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"What're you doing?"

"Fixing up your wardrobe. Ben told me that you've been taking his clothes, so I got you some new ones of your own." She pulls a repurposed shoebox from the shelf above the hangers. "And I made you these."

He gives her a curious look, but takes it anyway, opening it slowly. There are several tank tops inside; tan, white, black, and grey. Some are full length, while others would only cover his chest. All of them have canvas cloth stitched into the front.

"They're compression binders," Grace explains. "Just don't wear them for too long, or while you're exercising, okay?"

His vision blurs. He wipes his eyes on his forearm. "Thanks," he says quietly.

"Of course. You're my son, just the same as your brothers." She gives him a kiss on the forehead. "I'll get going while you try them on." 

* * *

It takes a few tries, but eventually, Allison's powers take hold in their father's mind.

He's reluctant (as he is when it comes to  _anything_ that might result in the happiness of his children), but agrees to have Klaus's name and gender changed legally. He allows him to begin hormone replacement therapy, and to undergo a double mastectomy once he reaches sixteen. At seventeen, he  _finally_ gives his fourth permission to have a hysterectomy and metoidioplasty if it will "cease his damned bellyaching" over the subject.

Klaus, as soon as his recovery is finished, leaves home at the age of eighteen with a body that, though he continues to mistreat, he does not despise.


End file.
